Ten Things I Hate At The Ballpark
Wherever you go, whether it be the supermarket, the local park, or the mall you see things that really get under your skin. People do stupid things everywhere you go in public and I hold myself to a higher standard than that. With that being said, nothing pisses me off more than people being stupid at a baseball game. I've been going to games since I was five years old and back then I loved everything about being at the games. The only problem is, when you're that young you aren't able to pick up on things that will irritate you sixteen years down the line. And when I say i get irritated, I mean things that get my blood pressure higher than the peak of Everest. So here goes nothing, and I will warn you, if you do any of these things that I talk about in the next couple of minutes, chances are I hate you.
1. White Jerseys With Last Names On The Back
This one might confuse some people out there because many teams do have the players last name on the back of their white homes. Well let me set the record straight, I'm a Red Sox fan. Boston just happens to be a first class franchise, along with San Francisco and as much as it pains me to say it, the New York Yankees. So when I walk through Fenway Park on a warm night in the middle of the summer and see some bum wearing a white jersey and see letters on the back I want to scream. I'm a big supporter of wearing on field gear, and you don't see Mookie Betts running after a fly ball with "BETTS" over his number 50. So please tell me why you would spend your hard earned money on a fake jersey. It just doesn't make sense to me.
2. Customized Uniforms
Now I understand that everyone loves their team. I get that, I really do, but there is a line of fanhood that I will never cross. That line is getting a customized uniform with my last name on it. Do you think you play for the team? It just has never made sense to me. Like who do you think you are? Now maybe there should be an age limit on this one because when you're a little kid you can have the excuse that your grandparents got you the jersey or that you didn't want to hurt your parents feelings. So I guess I'll give this one a cutoff age of 10. After that you have to be more self aware and be a big boy/girl.
I feel like this one will come as a surprise to some people because, "Oh wouldn't you want to be on television holding your sign?" My answer, hell no. Like I said earlier, I hold myself to a high standard than most people in public. Holding a sign up at a game is just straight up disrespectful to the people behind you who paid good money to come and watch a professional baseball game. You know what signs are good for? College Gameday. You see those signs and it's frat bros trying to get the biggest laugh from everyone on the internet. I can respect those signs, but keep your poster board at home when you're actually going into the ballpark to watch an MLB game. I didn't spend my money to sit in an uncomfortable seat and look at a piece of paper all day. I did enough of that in school for thirteen years.
4. People Who Don't Know How To Walk On The Concourse
This one I think everyone can get behind. It's a tale as old as time, you're trying to get from point A to point B and boom, you get stuck behind the one dimwit that all of the sudden forgets how to walk. You really have to stop right in the middle of the concourse and look around like you don't know where you are? No, step off to the side where there is space and get out of my way. It's a simple concept. Just be a decent human being and have some common courtesy. Oh, you need to see what the vendor is selling on the side of the concourse? Walk over to the concession and read the menu on the wall. I mean you aren't just irking me, but you are going to be spending money on glasses because of the strain you put your eyes since you're either too dumb or too lazy to move.
5. People Who Show Up Late (Second Inning or Later)
Ever been to Fenway Park? Well guess what, I have been and the tickets aren't cheap. You bring a date or your family and you are easily out $200. So you are really going to pay that money and show up after the first inning? You could've just missed Chris Sale throw an immaculate inning (even though that those happen once in a blue moon). The point is, you're a fake fan and you just wasted some of your money. Funny story, I was at a Sox game once and there were open seats closer to the field. Naturally when the crowd started to thin out around the sixth inning, me and the people I was with moved down to those open seats. It was only after Will's favorite song "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" had been played that three people walked up to us and said we were in their seats. Thought it was some sort of sick joke since it was the BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH INNING. I was flabbergasted, honestly didn't know how to react. I kind of just sat there and stared blankly at them like I didn't know the answer to a question on a test. Just stay home at that point you pink hat fan.
6. People Who Don't Know Baseball
This one is the most self-explanatory on the list if you ask me. It's cringeworthy when I'm trying to watch a game that is unfolding right before my eyes and you hear Joe Schmo trying to impress whoever he is with. It's hand in face every time you hear them try to explain the game. Unbearable I tell you. Something nobody should ever have to go through, and I think we can all agree on this one.
7. The Wave
Don't go thinking I'm an old man yelling at a cloud. I'm just spitting facts here. The wave stinks. It might actually be the worst thing about baseball games. Let me bring you into my nightmare scenario that seemingly happens every single time I attend a baseball game. It's the 8th inning and it's a 1 run game. Next thing you hear is "1! 2! 3!" and see the section next to you stand up and throw their hands in the air. Now the whole stadium is doing the wave, but it's still a 1 run game and it's still the 8th inning. This is the most important part of the game and people are really watching the wave go around the stadium to ensure they don't miss it. Guess what people.. you're missing the game that you paid to see. It's straight up bananaland that the wave is a thing. YOU WANNA SEE A WAVE? GO TO THE BEACH!
8. People Who Wear Third Party Apparel
You are literally are watching two teams play. Why do you have to bring a third team into the mix? So unnecessary if you ask me. If you don't have apparel for the teams you are going to watch, don't wear any teams apparel. You just look out of place. If I go to a new stadium I buy a dri-fit so I never run into this problem. Quite a simple concept here. The other solution I have is a golf polo and a Nike hat. At the end of the day, don't wear your Cubs shirt to the Pirates-Cardinals game.
9. Bringing A Glove When You Are Above The Age Of 12
This guy right here is just a jack ass. No way around it. The whole point of kids bringing gloves to the game is to catch a foul ball or home run. Every little kids dream when they go to the park. If you're 13 and steal the ball from a child because you decided to bring your glove, it's despicable and you're a terrible person. You want to catch a ball after the age of 13? Risk breaking your hand or let the kids have the fun.
10. People Who Think Every Fly Ball Is A Homer
It's like having 40,000 Dave O'Briens* in the stadium. I mean, come on, it's a routine fly ball to the centerfielder. You don't have to stand up and start yelling and clapping just to let out an "Oooooh" when the out is made. Have you ever watched baseball before people? You should know how far the ball will travel.
-People who bring up useless stats
-The drunk guy who won't shut up
-The guy on a cell phone waving to the camera or to someone on the other side of the stadium
-People that leave early
-People that leave/return to the row in the middle of an at bat
*For those who don't watch the Red Sox every night on TV. Dave O'Brien is NESN's play by play announcer and gets excited on pop ups to the shortstop thinking it might get over the Green Monster.